Ring in the Rubble

Sometimes life gets mixed up... If you couldn't tell I posted the future looks bright post while I was very drunk and emotional. I was really lucky to have my good friend Dane with me but I must admit my trimming was less then ideal.

After the blue berry farm I went to cinci and just hung out. It was nice drinking and playing around... We went to hopra house and drank giant beers. We then went to am ommni max. It was awesome and aww inspiring to see these creators living together.I often wonder why they can live and work as one but we can't. I learned the the Cuttlefish is my favoret fish, it is strong it is family oriented and as it moves is is just so darn awkward.. It has me written all over it.

From cinci Dane and I went to jungle jims.... The greatest grocery store in the world. It is amazing, we stent like 5 hours and didn't even see it all. It is just a fantastic place. I love being friends with someone who enjoys grocery stores even more then I do.

Then on to Indy and they AAFCS conference. This is my 6 year going, Dane has missed 2 in the past 6 years but usually we go together because it is at this conference that we meet 6 years ago... They are always a good time, well sometimes a good time at the sessions but always a good time at the bars... I mean it's allways interesting to see who comes to the conference, facs teachers are a unique grade of people. Dane, Elizabeth and I were the veterans and a few other new faces joined us out at the bars.

The first night we had a blast drinking and laughing at the bar then we floated home. The second night we met some cool guys who were really fun to hang out with that were actuilly in town because they do sound for phish... Which was fun to hear about.
The third night was when I wrote that depressing post and it was just a downer day.
I got told I looked like a 32 year old trucker... Awesome. So I flipped my shit and ended up crying in the street. So professional? Right? I guess all of this drama has been catching up to me, but I guess there is a ring somewhere in this rubble.
More on that later?..

We're two-thirds water What do we really need? But sun, showers, soil and seed

Every once in a great while you get a chance to do something different. I have a fascination  with living someone else's life. While I was at Marcie's I got such an oprotunity.

Life on Blue Berry Hill was unlike I had every experienced. It was free. I imagin it had the same feel as living in a commune but much better stocked. The blue berry hill farm is owned but the family the owns an organic grocery store in Marieta. Te mustard seed... Never mind that the mustered seed is one of my top 5 favoeter grocery stores... ( and yes I have and actual compiled list) but it is one of my inspirations for life, successful, healthy, giving,,, it's a lot like making vinegar, it isthe mother.

Because the mustard seed owners own the farm is is an incredibley stocked kitchen. Just to paint a picture, I'll love the farm.

It's in the bondocks. After a 2 hour drive from Akron we arrived. It was breathtaking. we met up with Mike and he showed us around. Everyone living on the farm lived in makeshift housing. Mike lives in an old bus. Chelsea and Persa live in a Yurt
Everyone else lived in tents... There were a few tipis and other converted cars and vans,,, it was like its own combine...

This place is pure magic. Words can not express how being there made me feel. The connection with the land was overwhelming.

While at the farm I got to participate in harvesting a chicken. It was a rear religious experience for me. Feeling that connection to my nourishment was just... Well. Amazing.

It is graphic but honestly being a part the process was really moving.

Maybe I need to become a farmer.

The future seems bright

I guess I just thought I would have my shit together...

"When you life falls a part you only have the chaos to hold on to"

Blueberry hill

when your chances fall in your lap like that, you gotta recognize them for what they really are.

Let's start at the beginning-
I arrived at Marcies after having a hell of a time getting a new tire.. It took forever, AAA got involved, Justine pretended she owned the fit... Good times.

I was so tierd, but I wanted to get on the road so I got on the road sans nap.

I don't know what it is but when ever I arrive at Marcie's I find energy in the oddest ways. ( this has happened many times and it always amazes me!) but yet again, I found the energy and we went on the most amazing bike ride.

If you aren't familiar with Ohio, one of the best things about the State is its metro parks and the toe path. It is breath taking. We road 6 miles and stopped at a farmers market for our break. The trip back was all down hill and went by to fast! It was freeing to ride and it was wonderful. I had not been on a bike in a while, it is defiantly something I should do more often.

We then made a roast turkey from the mustard seed and settled in for a good meal and then a good sleep.

Life is good

Justine and Chrissy - Fur-takon

The event is actually called anthrocon....

Justine and I started our trip with awesome primanti brothers sandwiches and bashing on the steelers... The food was good, conversations with one of my favorite people were even better... But nothing would prepare us for what we were about to see....

The furry convention.
My background with furries: people dressed up on these costumes freak me out. I mean I get it, you can take up a different identity, I get it that sometimes its fun just being weird with your friends.... But honestly, Fur suits? Really? That's what does it? It's a just strange to see them al, together... Even stranger that you can't see there faces. My past interactions with furries mainly include one of my friends ex boyfriends being an ex furry... He was trying to explain to us, how it works in the fur world...

Everyone has passions, I doing have to understand them all.

But I can appreciate the oddity and artistry that some of these getups have.

I am trying to focus on me... But really a furrie convention in town, what choice to I have but to sit back and enjoy the show.

Honestly good for them for having the confidence to be who they are.

We ended the night drinking big ass margaritas and just talking at a bar near Justine's house on the outdoor patio. I was a perfect night.


http://www.anthrocon.org/

It's not you, it's me.

I often blame people for different feelings. I try not to but I find myself falling into a situation where I am telling a story and all the sudden I realize that I am almost doing a persuasive speech on why this person shouldn't like that person. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to them... What do I think will happen? If I am nice that they will befriend this person? I know I often let my own insecurities but I am going to work on not doing that. I am responsible my me my self am I...

I can not control other people's actions I can only choose how they effect me.

Just trying to stop worrying about others/ talking about others. I can Save my energy and breath.

Sent from my iPad

"It's like you want me to fail"

Start of the road trip fail. At least it happened a block from Justine's house? Now I get to wake up tomorrow and get a new tire..... Fail.

"Take this pink ribbon off my eyes I'm exposed And it's no big surprise "

I'm not going to lie, I feel a little exposed, I know I should have seen that coming... What with the enter webs and all but I guess I thought this would be an outlet for people to give advice or at least something...

I know at least 3 people reading but no one comments, there could be any number of people reading my deepest fears and honestly I dont know... I guess I'll save that kinda stuff for my diary, cus if there is not befit to sharing than why should I!

Oh summer of me, how I love thee.

So yeah, on to only the fun stuff and less personal stuff, sorry if I bored you for a bit,..but it will pick up... Or really I might shut it down cus why should you get to read my heart an soul anyway?

I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
On that note, ( get it, note... Cus it was a song)

I digress. :)
Titleing this blog mad me realize how much I really miss this cd tragic kingdom might be one of my all time favoret albums.

Have you ever had an album that take you to a different part in your life. This album takes me back to being about 10 years old, I Would play this tape all the time. It was so new and different. It wasn't like anything I ever heard and it was so bad ass.. I always felt like a rebel singing Just a Girl... I remember listening the whole cd really loud but that first line about being exposed I would turn down really low... It always felt dirty to listen to it loud... What a good tape. I would put it in my Walkman and go down to the missing pine park and just swing and sing those songs like it was my job.

That tape always had some good memories.


Anther side note: Gwen Stefani is 42.. Right? Weird...

Hello. Is anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anybody home?

And who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars"

I find it interesting how we as humans define our self. If you poll people a bet know one would say there defining characteristic is being human, we are so much more than that at our cores.
When I used to get stressed I would pull a Katniss and repeate in my head " I am Chrissy D I am a FACS teacher,I am funny and everyone likes me, I know I am good at my job" this would help me when I am stressed to bring me back to relality... This would help me when I felt like shut about my body and all of the things wrong with me. It's strange that I used this is a defining characteristic because I have never questioned it's validity... Until this year.
I used to use my definition of myself me feel good about my self. I am funny, I am kind, I am good at talking with anyone and people like me. I used to pride myself on my ability to make anyone like me, that if you gave me enough time with a person I could get then to appreciate being with me... I verity of things go into this ofcourse- my ability to communicate, my abilities in reading people and adapting to thier needs and wants. I used to believe that these skills were solid.
I am ways saying, everyone has there skills, spelling is not one of mine. But I guess I always figured my other skills were so strong that it made up for the things I was lacking. When I begain to question all these "facts", when I began to see and think I didn't have these skill which I prided myself on... Well I began to question who I was. who I am.... I guess this year I have started to see myself more honestly and It has just left me with questions. Is being a teacher is what defines me if I am not even go at it? I used to this that I was a nice person but I am starting to see the other side of myself and it scares me. I feel like I woke up a few weeks ago and realized everything I know about myself was a lie- and was all in my head. Goal: Figure out who I am.

"On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time I felt free and I felt lonely and I felt scared

"On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time I felt free and I felt lonely and I felt scared And I began to talk to myself almost immediately Not being used to being the only person there

The first time I made coffee for just myself, I made too much of it But I drank it all just cause you hate it when I let things go to waste And I wandered through the house like a little boy lost in the mall And an astronaut could've seen the hunger in my eyes from space

And I sang Oh, What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do without you?

On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time I was cold so I put on a sweater and I turned up the heat And the walls began to close in and I felt so sad and frightened I practically ran from the living room out into the street

And the wind began to blow and the trees began to pant And the world in its cold way started coming alive And I stood there like a business man waiting for the train And I got ready for the future to arrive

And I sang Oh, What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?"



I delete Facebook so that I could focus on myself, so that I would be forced to stop worrying about others and focus on me. Goal: stop worrying about others and focus on me

Be

A true teacher never stops leaning. This summer I want to learn about my self. I have said that I want to explore my self but what does that really me. Today I got the rare opportunity to catch back up with a long lost friend. As I was sitting in her beautiful home with her adorable son at our feet drinking wine and chatting about life I reliesed that life is not this ______ I thought. (yes I left that blank because I cant even describe it) Her life is good because of her ability to adapt.... I know it is not exactly what she had in mind as a child when we sat up talking after 4 H meetings but it is good nevertheless I guess my point, of I even have one is that life is what happens while you busy making plans... I always liked that quote from John Lennon but never really got it. Our lives are not defined by where we end up but how we get there... Desire that you want to be happy and be happy it is not this big long journey. And if that means I need to take this summer, next summer or all the rest of the summers finding my self that it's worth it. Megan reminded me tonight that there is no rush. So I am going to try to not rush this process. Goal one- Don't rush this. Give yourself the time you need. Goal two- decide to be happy and do it.

Hey Hon!

So this weekend was one of my favorite Baltimore traditions HON FEST.
http://www.honfest.net/

This year was especially awesome because my fantastic friends from college were in town. I love these ladies.

When we were in college we would have dress up days were we would put on crazy outfits and wear them around campus like it was completely normal.... Like everyone wore spandex with jumpers and army hats ...

Those days were some of my favorite memories of college and I feel like I got to relive those times this weekend... ( minus Melissa, Cory, T, Sarah and sometimes Sam)

I am very proud of this picture because it really shows off our outfits and hair. We all worked together to create these awesome bee hive hairdos! The true secret for me and Jodie is that we have a little something extra in our hair... A cup!

Hey ho LET'S GO

Here we go!

Join Me

Thanks for visiting. I wanted to start this blog to give my self an outlet to share my ideas, my reflections and my adventures. I do really know where this summer will take me but I know that I am excited for the adventure and I cam wait to get started! Please join me as I explore this country and my own self.